I haven't posted in a while. Mostly because life has been crazy and I got sick. Yea, the first five weeks of school and I have a killer cold. It was much worse last Thursday and Friday. I'd leave the building unable to speak because my throat was so raw. Now, it's morphed into the sneezing, coughing, and runny nose from hell. My chest hurts whenever I cough and I am constantly in need of tissues, but there are worse things, right? I guess I'd much rather be here dealing with these things than the sore throat issue.
But, onto some positive, school related blogging.
To start with my one student I will talk about, I want to highlight a really excellent writer who actually tries very hard in class. Her enthusiasm is often contagious and I can so see parts of myself in her, especially 7th/8th grade me (in mostly good ways). I really think she makes improvements and wants to write, which is drastically different than some of the other students. I did have one problem with a student today, and that was frustrating. I hate when kids outright disrespect me by saying I'm not a teacher. That pisses me off. I was telling a kid to sit in his seat (they have this bad habit of making themselves fall out of their chairs) and he was blaming someone else, so I told him I didn't want to hear it because the other person was across the room and he was like "You're not even a teacher," and my hand ITCHED to smack him. I so wanted to. It would have been easy.
But, I restrained myself and told him that the way he was acting made me believe he wanted to call his mother and explain to her what he was saying to teachers who were just trying to help keep him on track. He apologized and we made a deal about the chair issue, but it still makes my skin crawl. I hate that. I am a teacher, dammit!
Along with that, (this is two days later, by the way), I just had my first truly cry worthy moment, to me anyway. I was in class and a student had their hand up for help. I went over to her and she said she didn't want my help, she wanted Mr. R's help. When I asked why, her response was, "You don't know enough about writing. Mr. R makes all of the lessons and he knows more."
It just cut through me. I thought I had a really good relationship with that student and she was rude to me for the rest of class. I just felt so horrible. I know it's not about me and that they were just tired and exhausted from yesterday (I will get to that), but it was hard. I talked with another coworker about it, and that was good. Another student, at the end of class, asked for my help and that made me feel better. Some students really buy-in to my position as CO-TEACHER in the classroom. Not just Mr. R's assistant, similar to a magician's assistant.
But, to get to something positive: we went on retreat yesterday with our seventh graders. They drove us out to Yonkers, essentially, to the woods, and made us do outdoor activities all day. I picked a group to be with that was legitimately like a group of kids who snorted pixie sticks and then chugged twelve red bulls. As a result, a leisurely hike on a trail turned into a mad dash through the actual woods. Everything was ten thousand times harder. But, the boys wanted to have fun and they certainly made it their prerogative to do so. There were a few hiccups, but our team the Hunters did have a good banner and a fun cheer, so that was good.
The only place I think something like that could grow in the future was a time for reflection. The whole point of the retreat was to create community, but we never got the chance to really go on that. None of the kids got to talk about how their community was broken, nor did they get to reflect on our guest speaker's words. She talked about how "hurt people hurt people," "are we our brother's/sister's keepers?" and the impact of self-esteem on how treat one another. Those three topics could have been enough to fill up a thousand workshops with discussions for students to really reflect on.
However helpful team activities and trust activities are, they don't really get the point through to kids. It didn't really sink in WHY they were trying to create community. It felt more like field day than it did about a time to really tackle some of the issues they are having.
But, nothing can be perfect, and the kids did really enjoy it, despite it's lack of focus on their immediate issues. I think, in some ways, it failed to meet its purpose. But in others it was a good way to get the kids out of the building and working together on something. Even if they didn't make the connections that I think would have helped them make more sense and meaning out of the things they did.
Otherwise, TODAY (the day after) was a fairly normal day. Kids were crazy, but that's to be expected.
I do want to end on something positive: I got evaluated on Tuesday and my supervisor though that what I was doing with my eighth grade students was great. I got a good review and she wrote lots of things she liked, as well as giving me an idea for something that my cooperating teacher and I can do (write a letter home with progress information that isn't a progress report, something far less formal) that parents can use to motivate their children and request assignments the kids have missed in order to get them more grades in the grade book.
Just tough!
Ah well, tomorrow is another day!
Showing posts with label Teacher Evaluation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Teacher Evaluation. Show all posts
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
A Tale of Two Classrooms
Alright, so, today was definitely a tale of two classrooms. There were a LOT of challenges going into today:
With all of this in mind, I was told, like 40 minutes before the day started, that I'd be lead teaching two of the classes that I work with. This was a shock, because 1) I hadn't planned the lesson, so it was going with someone else's ideas, and 2) I haven't even like taught part of a lesson by myself up until this moment (at least here) and that was intense. So, I had those 40 minutes to prep the lesson for my style.
It was a lesson about developing real or imagined narratives. So, we were thinking of using pictures to help do that. I found 9 classic photographs (The Times Square War Kiss, Child Labor, The Peace Protesters putting flowers in the muzzles of guns, Civil Rights, etc). I used The War Kiss to model the activity, which was creating mind maps about the pictures, and then gave each group their own picture to make inferences to develop stories. Then, they would independently create those stories during the practice time.
My first class was the one that was being observed. I was wicked excited, because I had that cool idea, had everything done, and was ready to go. But, I was also nervous because of everything that was happening AND in the middle of class there was going to be a moment of silence. So, whatever they were doing, we'd have to stop dead and be silent, motionless, and reflective. That's a BIG challenge for seventh graders. I will admit, I was petrified. I had all sorts of alarms set to make sure the kids were ready to go and I was pacing myself.
About 15 minutes into class, one of my coaches walked in and it was *really* show time. They were EN FUEGO, seriously. It was beautiful. Granted, I told them that I was getting graded and that they had to be on their best behavior, but still. They were awesome. They participated actively in instruction, they were all raising their hands and desired to be called on. They wanted to be part of what we were doing, and when the group activity part started, it was magic. They were all making inferences like crazy. It was beautiful. They were writing, things were going great.
Then, noon happened. It was so hot today and the building got absolutely disgusting. The kids were so unhappy and everything was a mess. I mean, it wasn't terrible. It was just... loud and rowdy. I just can't hear the kids in the room because it's so echo-y and there are at least 30 kids in each class. It was just very long and I had been standing for three hours, so my feet were aching and I wanted to die.
The second half of the day is just... violent on my feet.
But, funny story from the playground, haha. My co-teacher was going to get coffee and he asked me if I wanted one (iced, obviously) - and he delivered it to me on the playground, which was actually the nicest thing in the world - but the kids were like "OOOOOH MISS! HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?! OOOOOH MISSSSSSSS!" It was awkward and funny. Mostly awkward.
Now, I'm just tired.
Alright, I can't be too thoughtful tonight, I just wanted to write something down.
- It was almost a hundred degrees in NYC.
- It is the 12th Anniversary of 9/11.
- I thought I was having a sort of formal observation
- Some of the classes have been buck wild for the past couple of days.
With all of this in mind, I was told, like 40 minutes before the day started, that I'd be lead teaching two of the classes that I work with. This was a shock, because 1) I hadn't planned the lesson, so it was going with someone else's ideas, and 2) I haven't even like taught part of a lesson by myself up until this moment (at least here) and that was intense. So, I had those 40 minutes to prep the lesson for my style.
It was a lesson about developing real or imagined narratives. So, we were thinking of using pictures to help do that. I found 9 classic photographs (The Times Square War Kiss, Child Labor, The Peace Protesters putting flowers in the muzzles of guns, Civil Rights, etc). I used The War Kiss to model the activity, which was creating mind maps about the pictures, and then gave each group their own picture to make inferences to develop stories. Then, they would independently create those stories during the practice time.
My first class was the one that was being observed. I was wicked excited, because I had that cool idea, had everything done, and was ready to go. But, I was also nervous because of everything that was happening AND in the middle of class there was going to be a moment of silence. So, whatever they were doing, we'd have to stop dead and be silent, motionless, and reflective. That's a BIG challenge for seventh graders. I will admit, I was petrified. I had all sorts of alarms set to make sure the kids were ready to go and I was pacing myself.
About 15 minutes into class, one of my coaches walked in and it was *really* show time. They were EN FUEGO, seriously. It was beautiful. Granted, I told them that I was getting graded and that they had to be on their best behavior, but still. They were awesome. They participated actively in instruction, they were all raising their hands and desired to be called on. They wanted to be part of what we were doing, and when the group activity part started, it was magic. They were all making inferences like crazy. It was beautiful. They were writing, things were going great.
Then, noon happened. It was so hot today and the building got absolutely disgusting. The kids were so unhappy and everything was a mess. I mean, it wasn't terrible. It was just... loud and rowdy. I just can't hear the kids in the room because it's so echo-y and there are at least 30 kids in each class. It was just very long and I had been standing for three hours, so my feet were aching and I wanted to die.
The second half of the day is just... violent on my feet.
But, funny story from the playground, haha. My co-teacher was going to get coffee and he asked me if I wanted one (iced, obviously) - and he delivered it to me on the playground, which was actually the nicest thing in the world - but the kids were like "OOOOOH MISS! HE YOUR BOYFRIEND?! OOOOOH MISSSSSSSS!" It was awkward and funny. Mostly awkward.
Now, I'm just tired.
Alright, I can't be too thoughtful tonight, I just wanted to write something down.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Eye of the Hurricane
So, I'm reporting in the middle of my break from school.
Last week I took two of my New York State exams (I still have one more to take before I get my full conditional license). The LAST (Liberal Arts and Science Test) was not so bad. The writing sample was pretty easy, and the questions weren't too ridiculous. I took it on the computer which was difficult, but I managed it because they gave us white board type things to take it with. I used a TON of pages to take the test, but I wanted to make sure that I got stuff right. Like I said, that one wasn't terrible.
The Social Studies CST (Content Specialization Test - I think that's right) was SO hard. Like mind numbingly hard. There were so many questions about economics and human geography. I wanted to cry. I used a ton of the pages on that white board packet as well. The questions were just so difficult, I couldn't believe it. The writing part, surprisingly, was super easy - which I was thankful for. However, that won't matter much if I don't pass the whole test.
If I have to take it again I will be seriously lost. Not only is it an expensive test, but it takes a ton of time (I was in the testing center for almost five hours for both), and there are limited dates. Also part of this is the fact that I have to take another test in addition to those, and I won't know the results for a month. If I don't pass, I won't be able to apply to graduate school because I won't have my license, and then I won't be able to be in the teaching corps anymore because I won't be filling the requirements of being a member.
It's so stressful.
I had lunch with a friend from UTC and hearing how she and her co-teacher have set up a relationship was so awesome, but kind of disheartening. She is viewed as equivalent to the teacher, she teaches full parts of the lessons, and has it together in so many ways. I'm still struggling with figuring out where my role in the classroom is and how my co-teachers view me/utilize me.
That brings me to the biggest anxiety of all: I have two observations this month, one in the first week of school. I'm not lead teacher in my classroom, so I know I won't score very well because we're being evaluated on the Danielson rubric and it's really clear about the expectations it sets up for the evaluation process, and some of the categories just don't even apply to my position right now, so I can't score well on them. I recognize that I cannot start strong.
I do not know everything, I cannot be anything other than basic or developing at this point, really, but that doesn't mean it makes me feel good. I just wish I could be stronger. I wish I could be better.
As someone who has always tied her self worth to the numbers on a rubric, or the grade on a transcript/report card, the idea of failure is so difficult to swallow. I hate failing. I know I have to work with what I have and do my best with the things I can do... I've never been distinguished as a bottom member of a pack before... I've always been in the front, a leader.
I won't be that now. I'm going to suck. I'm going to suck really hard. And then I have to be okay with how much I suck and keep going. I've never been good at that. Usually, when I suck at something, I give up, and I'm not allowed to give up here. I don't really want to give up. I just know it's going to hurt, and I have to prepare to deal with that hurt. I just have to keep telling myself that.
I'm reminded of the AA motto:
Last week I took two of my New York State exams (I still have one more to take before I get my full conditional license). The LAST (Liberal Arts and Science Test) was not so bad. The writing sample was pretty easy, and the questions weren't too ridiculous. I took it on the computer which was difficult, but I managed it because they gave us white board type things to take it with. I used a TON of pages to take the test, but I wanted to make sure that I got stuff right. Like I said, that one wasn't terrible.
The Social Studies CST (Content Specialization Test - I think that's right) was SO hard. Like mind numbingly hard. There were so many questions about economics and human geography. I wanted to cry. I used a ton of the pages on that white board packet as well. The questions were just so difficult, I couldn't believe it. The writing part, surprisingly, was super easy - which I was thankful for. However, that won't matter much if I don't pass the whole test.
If I have to take it again I will be seriously lost. Not only is it an expensive test, but it takes a ton of time (I was in the testing center for almost five hours for both), and there are limited dates. Also part of this is the fact that I have to take another test in addition to those, and I won't know the results for a month. If I don't pass, I won't be able to apply to graduate school because I won't have my license, and then I won't be able to be in the teaching corps anymore because I won't be filling the requirements of being a member.
It's so stressful.
I had lunch with a friend from UTC and hearing how she and her co-teacher have set up a relationship was so awesome, but kind of disheartening. She is viewed as equivalent to the teacher, she teaches full parts of the lessons, and has it together in so many ways. I'm still struggling with figuring out where my role in the classroom is and how my co-teachers view me/utilize me.
That brings me to the biggest anxiety of all: I have two observations this month, one in the first week of school. I'm not lead teacher in my classroom, so I know I won't score very well because we're being evaluated on the Danielson rubric and it's really clear about the expectations it sets up for the evaluation process, and some of the categories just don't even apply to my position right now, so I can't score well on them. I recognize that I cannot start strong.
I do not know everything, I cannot be anything other than basic or developing at this point, really, but that doesn't mean it makes me feel good. I just wish I could be stronger. I wish I could be better.
As someone who has always tied her self worth to the numbers on a rubric, or the grade on a transcript/report card, the idea of failure is so difficult to swallow. I hate failing. I know I have to work with what I have and do my best with the things I can do... I've never been distinguished as a bottom member of a pack before... I've always been in the front, a leader.
I won't be that now. I'm going to suck. I'm going to suck really hard. And then I have to be okay with how much I suck and keep going. I've never been good at that. Usually, when I suck at something, I give up, and I'm not allowed to give up here. I don't really want to give up. I just know it's going to hurt, and I have to prepare to deal with that hurt. I just have to keep telling myself that.
I'm reminded of the AA motto:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Maybe I should write it on my arm for the next two weeks...
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