First Week: Finished

That's it! The first week of instruction is over.

It was kind of an introductory piece about getting used to the school and setting expectations for the students: that sort of thing.  It was also a nice way to meet a bunch of kids and start making relationships with them right off the bat.

There are a couple of kids that I really already want to follow up with all the time, even if I don't have them in classes.  I really don't know their last names yet (yikes), so I'll only be using first name initials as of right now.  O is a really sweet boy and I've helped him through a couple of homeroom assignments, which I think has set a really good tune.  And there are some girls who I cannot get enough of.  M and M (lol) are so sweet and tend to be shy, but they love to read and I sit near them at lunch when we have it in the classroom.  One of the Ms wasn't here today and I was positively heart broken!  Then there's A who is a tough cookie, but she's sweet and silly once you get past the tough part.  She's a little self-aware on the issue and tends to self-correct if you look at her.

But, that's just something I wanted to start off with, so when I look back at this in months to come, I can say "Ah yes! I love that kid!" and remind myself why I'm here: because it obviously gets harder as things go on, and I'll need the pick-me up.

Just got some feedback from someone who has been observing this week, and my glow (positive) was one-on-one/small group work with students and my grow (work on) was finding physical spaces to be in the classroom that weren't awkward for most parties involved (spectating or participating).  He noted that when I ended up near the front of the room, it was clear I was visibly uncomfortable because I wasn't really doing anything - and I felt that, of course, so it was good to hear someone else say it.  I was glad there was something good that he noticed though, because I honestly didn't know if I had done anything worthy of praise this week.  I just kind of showed up and made kids work when the teacher was busy.

I don't know.  I go through extreme highs and lows with these things.  I guess, when I'm alone, it seems okay, but suddenly, when I'm surrounded by other people, it feels quite lonely.

But, this is the price I pay for the fear that I will not be good enough.  Of course, I doubt I will ever be good enough - let alone feel it - so we'll see what happens.  The problem is my dissatisfaction with not being in charge run directly counterpoint to my fear of being on my own.

Now, however, it's the weekend, and I'm glad for it.  Time to rest, recuperate and get ready to come back to the work place on the ninth.